I think we should review some basic principals…..hint, hint…..
I think we should review some basic principals…..hint, hint…..
Sooooooo…..I have a lot and I mean a LOT of male friends and we talk all the time about different things and we got together to discuss dating the other night. I was so surprised at the comments they made.
So, I thought I would blog about it.
1. They all say ~ girls now-a-days do not like you to be a gentleman , they actually give them weird looks if they call a girl to ask her out, or just stand up for her at the table, etc. They would love to be polite gentlemen, but women don’t like it anymore.
2. They say the only way they have ever gotten a girl to go out with them is to go in groups and just say something like: “Hey, wanna hang out sometime?”
3. The girls they meet are so jaded and bitter, they feel like they have lost the possibility of being in a true honest relationship with someone before they even start.
4. Girls who smoke are a HUGE turn off ~ kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray. YUK!
5. They are all longing for a real Christian wholesome woman, who takes care of herself, not a model, but clean and sweet. Looks are just a perk, for they really want someone who is kind and intelligent. Not so smart she is a know-it-all but someone you may enjoy discussing all sorts of topics with.
6. They are so tired of women acting like they like them then dropping off the face of the earth. No communication and no breaking up. (Just plain chicken and rudeness)
7. They would prefer women to be politely blunt, and just tell them when they approach her and she isn’t interested, something like: “Thank you so much for being interested in me ~ but honestly I am just not that attracted to you in that way….” Be nice but tell the truth. No man likes a liar or a cheat.
8. They even said they can handle a girl with some baggage, not a psycho, but they are willing to help her heal from all the pain of past relationships and love her through it all. (WOW! These are great men)
There are so many men who are what I would call; “Diamonds in the rough.” But who are looking for just a sweet Christian girl. Clean and neat, sweet and nice, pretty and decent. These men are not models from magazines, but they have a fire in them that is wanting to find a real sweet woman they can throw their heart’s into and love forever and ever. They are not ugly and perhaps somewhat a little over weight, but not all are. Some are actually buff. They come from all walks of economic stratus and are truly good faithful men. Christian brothers who are looking for true love and faithfulness.
What does this say about all the women out there looking for love?
Are we too picky? Too Biter? Too scared?
Do we even know a nice romantic polite man when we see one?
Are we so abused and neglected that we can’t even receive love from a nice man anymore?
These men will not grope you on the first date and may actually take a long time to get to know you, cause they are serious about commitment when they find the right girl.
Start being kind and polite and take time to see the man probably sitting right next to you on the church pew. Hoping you will notice him. He is not a wolf and he will not bait you for his own selfish behaviorial exercises (SEX). These men are genuine and will make some woman the light of their lives.
Just a thought…..
The unknown date
Christmas season is often a very hard season for single people and for those in a relationship that just doesn’t quite meet our hearts desires. This season I suggest you get out and go see all the wonderful sights and sounds of Christmas. Go with friends in groups or just go alone and feel the Spirit of Christmas well up inside you as you reveal in the joy of being alive.
Christmas is not about what gifts you wanted but can’t afford, or about who you spend it with really ~ for some of us have been ostracized by our families. But Christmas is about Jesus ~ who came down from heaven to be with us in our lives, right where we are and to do what we could not do ~ to walk this life perfectly, so we could relax and live in the shadow of His grace in joy and love.
God basically handed a sweet life to us on platter and said ~ ENJOY!
Stay close to Him this year and you will never have regrets…..Life is all about Him and not about us anyway.
I for one plan on drawing near to Him and I know He is my true love after all is said and done, no date can fulfill all my hearts desires like my Beloved Jesus can.
The unknown date
Have you ever had a date that you thought went pretty well. Ok, Not perfect, but well enough to think that they may ask you out again at some point, never to hear from them again?
Yep, I know you have.
It seems we have lost the art of politeness and etiquette in our society.
Ok, he wasn’t that great and actually had been in a car wreck at age 17 and had disfigured his face and ear. I know it was hard to get over that one. So I went to lunch with him at one of my favorite pizza places. We met there.
I was dressed in a really cute bright orange skirt and a bright yellow top. By all standards I was looking great!
He came in blue jeans and a t-shirt. Ok, that would have been fine, cause it was a lunch date, but he also looked like he had not shaved in 5 days and he wasn’t growing a beard for he also had a go tee. Ugggh!
You know if a man doesn’t even try on a first date it will only get more sloppy later. Everyone, who really cares, at least showers and shaves for a first date. First impressions still do matter after all.
So we have a polite and fun lunch, not really hitting it off and not having a bad time either.
But then, after he says I will call you later tonight, and after he has already called you almost every day for weeks, he is a no show!
Yep, I never heard from him again.
WHAT’S UP WITH THAT?
Yes, maybe it matters that I didn’t really find him my type, but I think I faked it enough to be polite and to warrant another call. Even if it was to say no thank you sugar…
The funny thing is ,I was talking to my other friend about how to let him down easily cause I just knew he would call and how he was really in to me.
So what happened?
Hmmm? Perhaps he was upset when he went to kiss me, on a first date, and I turned my cheek to him ~ Possible but not probable.
Maybe it was the funny but rude comment I made about investing in stocks, something I like to do, when I said:
“If you can’t run with the big dogs – stay on the porch!” LOL!
Probably not, for he laughed.
Or maybe he was upset when I said I didn’t really like all the prostitutes, and crime, etc that casinos brought to a town when they came. Following a previous conversation about his love of in-room jacuzzis while he stayed there and how much fun sex in the tub was. HA!
Or maybe I talked too much about my faith ~ always a popular man chaser away if he is just after sex ~ Funny too.
BUT ~ I choose to tell myself this: “THANK GOD!
I have been praying God would just chase away all the perpetrators and false men who pursue me and well, I think this one went running. Or maybe he just saw that I was such a great catch that he was WAY out of his league.
Yes, those last two sound good to me and actually logical, according to my good friends who continually encourage me in this new life of dating again after a long term marriage breakup.
Having said all that ~ DON’T BEAT YOURSELVES UP PEEPS!
Most people are rude and self interested. Most people think more of their own interests than those around them. When picking a mate look for the fruit and character more than the outward appearances,even though good looks don’t hurt ~ giggle.
“The fruit of the Spirit is: Faithfulness, goodness, joy, peace, love, long-suffering, faith, patience, kindness, and the like, against such there is no law.” Gal 5:23
Theres no accounting for good taste, politeness and good manners. Wait for the best catch!
Also; be the best person you can be with good etiquette if you want a good person to want you.
the unknown date
Ok, you never know what you’re gonna get when you are online dating. I went out one time with this cute and quiet man from my area and he took me to a nice, but countrified steak house. I had been there before and I loved it, the food was great.
Then all of a sudden I realized I was sitting in the middle of a country restaurant with a true red-neck. Down here that’s not an insult. Giggle. It really means a whole different culture of hard working country people who are family oriented and love hunting, fishing, God, and family in that order and of course lots of beer.
I think the “ah HA!” moment came when he told me he had 7 deer heads on his living room walls and he wanted one more! NO LIE!
I suddenly realized that this was a one time date and it was not going to be a lasting relationship so I just put on my cutest country girl smile and played the part, I mean I just egged him on and smiled and laughed and was so fun to be with. I kept pondering who did I know that i could fix him up with?
He spent most of his night telling me about a suit he was in with this family over putting up his deer stand on their land. So he put it in the small stream and refused to take it down saying all waterways were public property.
from the unknown dater
I want to take a minute and be serious tonight. I talked with a new friend today who has been in a relationship for 10 years, partly married and partly not. She has kids with this man and he is obviously an abusive man, not physically but mentally and verbally. Which all experts say is worse and more long lasting.
I had a relationship like this in my life and it nearly killed me. It wasn’t until I was left and alone for over a month that I realized; ‘WOW! This is nice not having anyone yell at me for over a month, I feel like I can breathe again.’
Let me tell you, if any of you are living with people in your lives that are into power struggles, turn around and walk away. Don’t look back, just keep on going!
Here’s a short definition of what I am talking about and a few examples.
Two people who are in love and care for each other have what I call a “Mutual” relationship, where each person is valued and appreciated for who they are and for their opinions, even if the two disagree, there is a calm manner in which to declare disagreement and they work out solutions together, peacefully.
A power struggling relationship is not about two people together working out life’s problems as a couple. It is about who wins the fight. It doesn’t even matter if the subject being discussed is true or a fact, a power struggling person will always put the other person down to win the upper hand, NO MATTER WHAT!
This mentally and verbally abusive person will not be satisfied until their partner is in tears or depressed, and then they relent and feel big cause they have WON, in their minds. Often they become docile and even sweetly apologetic the next day ~ and you are left feeling like it is all your fault and feeling numb.
You CANNOT negotiate peace with a person like this, for it is not about mutuality or feelings at all, it’s not even about the truth. It is about winning at all cost. And most of the time the cost is the destroying of the people they are the most close to, their family and friends, especially their mates.
Here’s another example:
I went to counseling with my husband, at that time, for over 9 months and most of that time was spent arguing in front of the counselor about how I could not match his socks. It cost us $150.00 a session and we discussed socks. (Ugggh!) The counselor even took his side saying that if this was important to him then it was an important relationship issue.
I was so stupid. I did not realize that this was about stalling and blame-shifting the fault onto me and to get us to talk about menial things to avoid the real issues.
PORN addiction and abuse!
I thought I was being the bigger sweet person by not bringing up his personal business and allowing him to share that when he was ready.
WAS I WRONG!
Secret sins and issues only get better when exposed ~ not keeping them hidden. I now know after years of dealing with this man, that I did exactly the wrong thing. I kept his secret. It finally destroyed us and our kids. We will never be the same again.
BUT GOD! Is my help and my strength!
I blog tonight to help anyone stuck in this whirlwind of unknowing what in the heck is going on! You are not alone and do not put up with verbal or mental abuse.
I am here for you, just ask.
Hugs from the unknown dater
Have you ever tried to date in a town where there is a paper mill? It’s horrible. I know people who live here say everyone needs the jobs and it smells like bacon & eggs to them.
It smells like the devil farted!
And that ain’t no brimstone I smell neither – said Donkey to shriek.
Seriously, it is so embarrassing to be trying to be on your best behavior and a man drives across the state to see you and take you to dinner and what do we greet him with…..?
Well, you know…..
Ugggg! Somebody put scrubbers on that thing!
Just a thought
From the unknown dater
I was talking to a man the other day about some of his worst dates and he remembered this girl he dated a while ago. I will call her Miss Camp Follower.
And coincidentally I just read a blog about what men hate in dating. One of their biggest problems with girls in dating is money issues. Men do not like it that a woman, who works, expects them to pay for everything. (Modern men, I suppose, I am still sort of old fashioned, though I’d offer to pay, it is polite when I don’t have to…)
“She expected me to buy her cases of wine and all her food. And everything just seemed to be automatically on me. She had her photo taken one time and told the guy to just get the money out of me. That’s when I knew she was just using me for money.
It was automatically assumed that I would pay for everything. At one time she told somebody that I was gonna buy her a car. I wasn’t gonna buy her a car. It’s the assumption that they guy is gonna pay for everything, even though he’s not getting anything. No extra curricular activities expected from me.
She basically had little honor. She would sleep with anyone who wanted her too. Last time I saw her she had basically doubled in size. She was just expecting it because I was so nice.
She would go over to people’s homes with her wash and she expected to be able to do her laundry ~ trashy!”
This woman just sounds plain selfish. Like most selfish people they tend to have a wider circle of friends, or acquaintances, that they take advantage of or USE. So they only have to come around to you, once in a while. Uggggh!
Watch out folks, for leeches! They come in all sizes and genders. People who are selfish or mean will only get worse. Don’t try to reform them, just move on.
A little sound advice from,
the unknown dater
Ok, so I feel I need to speak out about bad kissing.
What’s the worst first kiss you have ever had?
Mine has to be the tongue toucher. A man who is kissing you for the first time and who sticks his tongue outside of his lips and touches your lips before you have ever touched lip to lip – yuk!
It’s just gross!
My gut reaction is to push back back peddling with both hands.
Who in their right mind kisses like that?
And if you have asked them if they are a good kisser – all men think they are.
Please fellas, read up on kissing before you go out on a first date and gross out anyone.
First kisses should be gentle and only lips.
Later if you have good chemistry then go in slowly, maybe slide your hand behind her neck and gently pull her in and slowly kiss her for a short period of time. Then invite her with your tongue.
PLEASE NO TONGUES OUTSIDE THE MOUTH.
Just a thought.
From the unknown date